President Bush Not Listening to Erik

Erik Tries to Stop Bush

-- LOVE HEADQUARTERS, Japan

At about 12:00pm Japan Standard Time today, US President Bush ordered the start of an attack on Iraq.  This move possibly violates international law, as it comes without the authorization of the UN Security Council, without the support of several key allies, and without the support or authorization of Erik.

“I have tried again and again to get through to George,” Erik told a news conference convened hastily outside his headquarters in Ritto, Japan.  “I’ve been on the phone, I’ve been on the email… I took to the streets of Kyoto trying to tell him…. Hell, I even ordered French fries and didn’t call them “Freedom Fries” in my desperation to get my message through.  But the man won’t listen to reason.”

Sources close to Erik, speaking on condition of anonymity, suggest that Japanese Prime Minister Koizumi might have something to do with Erik’s inability to reach Bush.  “It looks like Koizumi and Bush are working together,” said one official.

Erik has suggested that he’ll do even more to tell Bush what he thinks, but Erik acknowledges that now it might be too late.  “After all,” Erik said, “we’ve already lost.  French fries will never be the same again.  And I think every American can agree: that sucks.”

After this brief statement, Erik left the podium and took off for the nearest McDonald’s, where French fries are still called “American Potato Fries.”