Erik Involved In Minor Fender-Bender

Erik's Car Merely Lost Its License Plate

-- GOLETA, California

In a late-breaking development, several eyewitnesses report Erik slightly bumping a car in the huge UCSB parking lot on his way to buy a new cell phone to replace the one stolen on Friday night.  When exiting his car to survey the damage, he heard a woman approaching in the distance, screaming, “Hey!  That’s my car!”  No other people were nearby, and it was pure coincidence that this woman happened to be returning to her car (out of hundreds of other cars) just in time to see Erik slightly tap it while backing out of his parking space.  Neither car had any noticeable damage whatsoever.  As is usual when Erik asks women to exchange phone numbers, this woman did not seem interested.  Erik quickly sped away to hold an emergency press conference at his headquarters in Southern California.

What was left of the woman's car after Erik "lightly tapped" it

"The woman was obviously a Koizumi operative," Erik claimed.  "Why else would she have chosen that very moment to come back to her car?  Just in time to see me lightly brush up against it, causing no damage whatsoever?  And to think that she didn't even want my number.  Geez."

Stay with ENN as we watch Erik continue to terrorize innocents around California.