Kerosene Heater Nearly Blows Up Love Headquarters

The now clean grille of the Kerosene Death Trap

-- LOVE HEADQUARTERS, Japan

It all started when Erik started to do something he hadn't done in nearly thirty years: clean his room.

"Well, I guess I just started to notice that my house was covered in dust and dirt," Erik said at a press conference held just outside his Headquarters in Ritto.  "So I decided to vacuum the place.  After all, there were a few ants crawling around, and the best way to get rid of them is to use a vacuum cleaner, as we all know."  Erik than said, "What?  Another one?!" and ran off to chase an ant that he had vacuumed the day before.

According to CIA satellite photos obtained by ENN, as Erik was vacuuming his house, he noticed that the back of his Kerosene Heater was rather dusty.  Kerosene Heaters are very common in Japan, which is the world's second biggest economy but has apparently yet to discover the wonders of "central heating."  As a result, Japanese people everywhere (and Erik) must make weekly runs to the gas station for heating oil.  "No big deal," Erik joked.

"So, the problem came when I started to vacuum the back of my Kerosene Heater," Erik told the crowd of reporters at the press conference.  He failed to mention that the heater was on at the time -- which means that there was a flame and a fan blowing when he started to vacuum the dusty grille on the back of the "infernal machine."

Moments after Erik started vacuuming the heater, flames began licking out of the back and the front of the machine.  "WHOA!" Erik said, stumbling back to avoid the lick of the fiery tongues.

As luck would have it, the heater shut down and went into Safety Mode: Condition Orange, emitting a series of ear-piercing beeps.

Then came the second part of Erik's problem: "I'm cold now, because I can't seem to get the thing out of Safety Mode: Condition Orange."  Later, he added, "I'll tell you one thing, this is the LAST time I even think about cleaning my room."

Stay with ENN as we watch Erik's continued attempts to survive the frosty Japanese winter.