UPDATE
- Michael
Jackson Jury Will Not Include Erik

Santa Barbara
Superior Courthouse
--
SANTA BARBARA, California
ENN has obtained documents which prove that Erik appeared at the
Santa Barbara County Superior Court this week for jury duty. While
there, he might have been assigned to the Michael Jackson child molestation court
case which has received significant attention from other, less reputable
news organizations.
Before reporting to court, Erik did not return phone calls. At a hastily convened press
conference last week, Erik's press secretary in Detroit, Mr. Ian Douglass, assured
reporters that Erik is "not Michael Jackson, despite their similar
white appearances." Mr. Douglass also told the teeming throng
of journalists that Erik would be "thrilled to serve on Mr. Jackson's
jury, because it would be the best thing that ever happened to him."
While Erik has denied this in the past, some estimates indicate that he
might stand to make up to 3 trillion dollars on an eventual book deal if
he were to be on the jury.
Erik has told several lawyers in Santa Barbara county that he can
"smell a child molester from miles away -- basically you need me
on this jury."
Unfortunately for those lawyers but fortunately for Michael Jackson,
Erik was not assigned to the international superstar's jury. Erik
will have to come back for additional jury service in December.
"It's not over, Jackson," Erik told reporters outside the
courthouse.
Stay with ENN for the latest on this developing story as soon as it
becomes available.