A Quarter-Century of Erik

-- SANTA BARBARA, California

On February 6, 1979, a new era began: Erik was born and began his plan to take over the world using the then-nascent 'internet.'  25 years later, Erik has largely succeeded, but he acknowledged today that "much work remains to be done."

At a hastily-convened press conference outside Love Headquarters in southern California, Erik addressed recent rumors that he would have a "major" party sometime this weekend.  "Those horrible rumors," Erik said, "are completely true.  Come on over to Love Headquarters this weekend for an amazing party.  We'll be playing 'Lady's Choice' Slow Jams on the stereo all night.  It's going to be great."

ENN investigators have confirmed that Erik's car insurance rates actually went up by about $13 dollars, despite his new, old age.  "Perhaps they finally figured out that old people shouldn't be allowed to drive," Erik was quoted as saying.

In related news, Ronald Regan and Axl Rose also celebrated birthdays today, but neither of them remembered to have a party.

Also in related news, Erik planned to rent a car "sometime today" to help celebrate his newfound freedom as a 25-year-old.

Stay with ENN for further developments on Erik's old age as they become available.