ERIK DEFENDS HOME FROM BURGLARS

-- LOVE HEADQUARTERS, California

ENN reporters cut short their New Year's celebration to attend an emergency press conference at Love Headquarters early on the morning of New Year's Day.  Santa Barbara police officers informed the crowd that Erik "stunningly" combated the two intruders "as a T-Rex would a wee penguin."

According to a timeline generated by police investigators and obtained by ENN, at approximately 4:12am on New Year's Day, two "pathetic" thugs noticed that the window to Erik's personal bathroom on the ground floor of Love HQ was open.  They then apparently took the window screen off and entered.  After turning on a light in the kitchen, the pair climbed upstairs to where Erik and five "luscious" women were asleep.  They went to Erik's personal assistant's room and began rummaging through his underwear and loose change box.  Then, they opened Erik's bedroom door.

"That's when I sprung into action," Erik told reporters.  "I'm not sure if I was more interested in saving my own life or the lives of the five or six gorgeous women around me, but I knew that I had to act -- and fast."

Mere seconds later, the two villains were running for their lives and police were on the way to Love HQ.

When asked how he managed to so swiftly deal with the intruders without any help, Erik responded, "I really didn't have to do much. When I saw the door mysteriously opening, I immediately stood up despite being naked to assess the situation. This was when the filthy rascals began screaming, 'He has a baseball bat!!' and then ran away. I still don't understand what they were talking about."

As they fled like the little bitches they are, the two burglars left behind a trail of loose change.  Police also reported that a pack of cigarettes, a pillowcase, and three pairs of tighty-whities were missing from Erik's assistant's room.  "I had no idea he wore tighty-whities," Erik said.  "I'm firing him."

Police are crediting Erik for helping to ensure that every beach-loving local has a safer Santa Barbara.  Despite their initial failure to protect Love HQ, police insist that their investigation is continuing.  Initial reports name Michael Jackson, Junichiro "Junichiro" Koizumi, Joe Pesci, and The Hamburglar as possible suspects.

More of ENN's Special Coverage follows.

Stay with ENN as we continue to monitor Erik for any sign of fear or hesitation in the face of extreme danger.