Japanese Prime Minister Denies Love Headquarters Break-In Role

Koizumi

-- TOKYO, Japan

ENN has received an urgent press release from Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro "Junichiro" Koizumi's office strongly denying that Koizumi had any role in the New Year's Day break-in at Love Headquarters.

"Despite Erik's continuing attempt to take hundreds of Japanese women away with him, Koizumi had absolutely nothing to do with the burglary at Erik's humble abode in Santa Barbara," the statement read.  Koizumi did not return numerous phone calls.

Erik blames Koizumi for several assassination attempts, including two in 2003 when Erik was living in Japan.  "First of all," Erik recalled at the New Year's Day 2005 press conference explaining the burglary, "Koizumi tried to kill me with my damn kerosene heater."  The heater nearly exploded when Erik tried vacuuming its intake grill while the burner was lit.

"Then," Erik continued, "he rigged my microwave to explode when I tried popping some popcorn."  Erik's microwave shot flames toward the ceiling when an American-sized bag of popcorn came in contact with the Japanese-sized microwave's energy plate.  No proof of Koizumi's involvement in either of these events has been found, but Erik maintains that Koizumi "intends to stop me from talking with 'his' women."

Koizumi, in turn, accused Erik in 2001 of bringing a record number of typhoons to Japanese shores, and for seducing "untold hundreds" of Japanese women.

Police have so far refused to diffuse the situation, saying merely that they "haven't ruled out any suspects, and that includes the Japanese Prime Minister."  ENN is monitoring the ongoing police investigation.

Stay with ENN as we continue to monitor the deterioration of Erik-Japan relations in the wake of this most recent near-tragedy.