U2 Replace Aging Bono With A Man Who Looks 46 Years Old

-- SAN DIEGO, California

"What the hell is going on here?" said longtime Erik fan Holli Whitney upon seeing Erik on the stage with microphone, standing next to U2's guitarist The Edge, at the San Diego Sports Arena.  After the first chords of "Beautiful Day," though, Holli's skepticism turned to rapture as she jumped, pumped her fist, and sang along with the other tens of thousands of U2 and Erik fans.

And thus U2's latest world tour began with some major changes.  "I thought we were the only ones to invite Erik to San Diego," Holli told ENN reporters after the show, "but it turns out The Edge must have asked him to meet up in Diego, too."

At a hastily convened press conference held in San Diego's ritzy Gas Lamp district, former U2 frontman Bono accepted his new role of sellout.  "Look," he told ENN reporters, "Erik is simply better at this than I ever was.  I mean, did you see him harmonize with Boyz II Men the other night?  Wow."

Speculation had been rife in recent weeks leading up to the start of the Vertigo tour that Bono was on the way out.  Music critic Raginasian noted that "Bono didn't really sell out, but I'm not really happy about him having his own clothing line."  He added later, "I guess it's time for someone new to head up the greatest band in the history of the world.  And that someone is Erik."

Stay with ENN as we have heard rumors that Ludacris is considering adding Erik to his crew after hearing Erik's rendition of "Gas Lamp District" while walking around downtown San Diego.